A Recent Conversation With My Wife

(Children playing handbells open the worship service)

Beeki: Handbells stress me out.

Me: Handbells are supposed to have the exact opposite effect.

Beeki: Handbells stress me out.

Me: What if you don't look at them? Just listen.

Beeki: Handbells stress me out.

Me: *sigh*

A Recent Conversation With My Wife

Me: (Referring to Take on Me) Okay, Beeki, who sings this?

Beeki: I don't know. It starts with an 'A.' Ahoy? Achoo? A-Ha!

Me: A-Ha! Yes! A-Ha! One of the biggest one-hit-wonders ever.

Beeki: They're the ones with the Lego hats, right?

Me: *facepalm* Noooooo! That's Devo! Aaaaaargh! I don't even know how to put this conversation on the internet!

Beeki: How about you love me for me?!?

A Recent Conversation With my Wife

Beeki: (Holding Christmas presents.) Where can I hide these presents?!? There's nowhere to put them!

Me: How about under the bed? Em doesn't know it exists yet.

Beeki: I'm afraid they'll get lost!

Me: Lost? Under our bed? Is there a portal to another dimension that has opened under our bed without my knowing?

Beeki: No.

Me: Okay, then.

Beeki: Shut up.

A Recent a Conversation With My Wife

*Watching Suburgatory*

Beeki: Who is that? (Referencing someone on the show she expected me to know.)

Me: The DJ?

Beeki: Yes.

Me: A DJ?

Beeki: He's from The Jersey Shore!

Me: And you expected me to know that?!?

Beeki: You know nothing!

Me: I know nothing? I can name the first twelve Emperors of Rome - IN ORDER! - and probably get their dates right!

Beeki: Pfft!

A Recent Conversation With my Wife

Me: (Telling a story from class) ... Then I said to my Egyptian student, "Back me up here, when you stand at the base of the pyramids and look up in awe, you just marvel that people could make such a thing!"

Beeki: Did she like that?

Me: I think so. I gave her the Egypt shout out.

Beeki: No, an Egypt shout out is like, (ululating) "Lalalalalalalalalalalala!"

Me: ... Lord... Beer me strength...